My first meaningful annual personal development review

It's coming up to the first anniversary of my departure from corporate life, a decision born out needing to protect against slipping back into the dark place I'd been the year before rather than a planned move.

I didn't know what the future held in store but I knew what I wanted to avoid.

A lot has happened over the last 12 months, much of which I'm grateful for, all of which has contributed to how much contentment I feel about life today.

The kindness and support of others continues to play a huge part in my journey and I tell those people often and directly what it means to me.

But this post isn't about them.

It's about the grunt work I now appreciate I've been putting in, an investment in myself that I'd never made before this happened.

It's about overcoming self-doubt. Being kinder to myself and reminding myself to do just that when I'm not feeling so positive. It's about moving from black and white thinking into the grey areas and learning how to embrace it.

And so much more.

This wasn't about getting back on track after a couple of tough years. Those years were the culmination of a lifetime of habits, thought processes and, fundamentally, a near complete absence of self-esteem.

I don't blame anyone, including myself, for getting into that situation. Life was happening to me and I wasn't always able to handle it. But it's in the past and I've started to move on.

The results are tangible in so many ways. People around me tell me so and I'm learning to hear what they're telling me. I feel the difference too.

And because it's so perfectly timed it's untrue, today has taken on even more significance for me. I saw my GP this morning and am now off anti-depressants for the first time since August 2017.

It's entirely my choice. I've been spurred on by how I've felt in recent months under circumstances that would have previously been a catalyst for low mood.

I've been on a half-dose for the last month and, when asked if I wanted to continue that course for longer, I had the belief in myself that I was ready to go without.

I'd instigated this. I wanted to be off them, but I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't ready. And if things change in the future I'd not worry about going back onto them.

I understand I'm not 'fixed'. I appreciate that my wellbeing in the future is not something I can take for granted. Rather I need to keep it front of mind, learning what works for me and what doesn't, what throws me off course and what brings me back on track.

So right now I'm looking to the future and welcoming its uncertain and unpredictable nature. It's the polar opposite of my state of mind in December 2018.

Will it last? I hope so but, whatever happens, I'm all the better equipped to face it because of the last 12 months and that's the kind of personal development money can't buy.