Still on the pills: Two years in on anti-depressants

When I sought help with my mental health, I went into conversations with my GP at ease with the idea of taking anti-depressants.

I don't tend to give myself an awful lot of credit as a rule, but on this point I think I had exactly the right approach in mind.

I knew I was at the point of needing to enter therapy of some kind if I was going to have a chance of addressing the underlying reasons for my depression, but I also knew that I felt so out of whack with normality that I wanted the support of medication to help right the ship sooner rather than later.

It wasn't my first experience of low mood, and neither was it my first time on anti-depressants. But this time it was different.

I'd previously taken them in my last year at university and wasn't ready to manage things properly at that age. I'd worried they'd turn me into a zombie. It felt like a massive deal to take them each and every time. I was on the look out for signs they were doing something. But that's not what they do.

The first form I went onto did space me out, in fact, but I spoke to the Doc, switched to Fluoxetine and that worked much better for me.

Whether it was the benefit of this experience or the emotional maturity that changed my thinking this time, I don't know. But I have no regrets at all about the course of action I have taken. It's set me on the path that's got me here today, and that's a far better place than I could have imagined.

Anti-depressants are horses for courses

It's very much horses for courses on this subject. Some people are staunchly against the idea of long term use of anti-depressants and others are fine with it. Some people are fine talking to a therapist and some just can't bring themselves to do it.

Doing both was my choice, but it's certainly not been a silver bullet. And I don't think I ever expected it to be, in all honesty.

The topic of medication for mental health is front of mind for me right now. Today I had a check-in with my GP. I explained that I am now three weeks in to feeling OK. It's the longest sustained period of time I can recall feeling this way for many, many years. It's great to be able to recognise this and appreciate it. In part, deciding to write this blog has helped matters.

But I'm guarding against being knocked off course. Bumps will come along, I know, and I'm trying to see them in good time and work through them more effectively now that I have clarity. I don't want to slip now I know what good is like.

This is my reality two years in to therapy and medication. I don't know exactly what's clicked recently but I'll take it.

I've ridden the roller-coaster throughout this time and one of the key things I have been discussing with my GP today is why, after all this time, do I still feel exhausted?

I'm doing all the right things. Literally. She went through a checklist in my appointment today.

But I felt tired before the treatment and I feel tired two years in, all be it slightly less so. The fog has lifted recently, but the tiredness has not.

The plan is to discount physical issues first off. I have blood tests and an ECG booked in over the coming weeks. I've been through kidney issues and pneumonia in the last few years to boot, so I've been poked and prodded enough to give me confidence there's nothing major to worry about on the physical side. I'm glad to be going through the process of eliminating things, though.

It's a huge step forward, in fact, to be faced with the idea that something could be physically wrong and to not immediately think the worst. I'll take that too.

And I think that's the point I wanted to make with this post.

Whatever you decide to do when it comes to improving your mental health, understand it's not a quick fix. It's a journey and it takes time, and each person has the right to get there in their own way.

I might be on the medication for years to come. I might not. I may have to change them. I'm fine with all of these options because I know what I want to feel like now, more than I've understand for a while.