Exhausted from doing nothing

The first thing I start to notice when I'm drifting into a low mood is the complete lack of energy I feel.

I've written before now about the fact that when I took time out from work back in 2017, I pretty much slept for two and a half weeks.

At first I was concerned. If I wasn't working and I was going to bed early, doing next to nothing around the house or for the family, why was I so tired?

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I raised this with my psychotherapist immediately and she encouraged me to just go with it.

My body was telling me that I needed to recover but the physical reaction to psychological distress really caught me off guard.

The energy drain is brutal. It makes me lethargic, practically narcoleptic, when it grips. Concentration can be particularly challenging. It's a bit like the effect of a bad hangover after a very late night, except without the drinking to account for it.

Making sense of things in that state of mind is really tough. I feel psychologically inert. And it makes me look and feel disengaged with what's going on around me. It still effects me regularly even now two years later and it's something I'll be chatting to my GP about when I have my next check in with her later this month.

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But at the same time as feeling knackered, sometimes I can drag myself out for a run. Granted, the legs often feel very heavy and my lungs feel like they're going to burst, but I know if I can get myself out for a run - if I can win that short term battle of mind over matter - then post-run, I will feel a little better.

Of course, other things can work as well to provide respite. Time away from screens in any form is usually a winner. A spot of fresh air, even for five minutes. A nice cold glass of water. A distracting chat with someone to take your mind away, briefly, from the thing you were doing. More recently, cuddling the dog.

I try to notice when I start to slip, so I can act before it becomes debilitating. Sometimes I get there in time while others I don't. I'm very fortunate to have an amazing person in my life who usually clocks the pattern before I do. My wife, Helen, gives me all the time and space I need to work my way through it. And I now try not to fight what my body is telling me it needs.

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The flip side of the low energy experience, however, is that you really come to appreciate the times when it's not got a hold of you. Those are great times indeed, although previously I would have considered them just the norm.

This week has been like that. I've been buoyed by the amazing responses I've had to my first couple of posts on WhatTheFunk. I've had some really positive feedback on projects I've been working on and some very promising conversations about future ones. I've run, walked the dog, read, cooked, taken the kids to football practice, chatted with friends and been thinking about the future in positive terms. I've felt engaged with life, and long way that continue!

If I could bottle that feeling, I would in a moment. But as I can't, I'm trying different ways to keep on top of it.

As and when I find new things that work, I'll be sure to share them here.