"Well, you're not sh*t..."

Four words that I've not been totally able to compute since I heard them immediately after handing in my notice, face-to-face. I had just explained exactly why I couldn't continue, how I felt and what the impact of staying in my job any longer would do.

In attempting (I think) to reassure me, "Well, you're not sh*t..." was what I got as an initial response.

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I'd spent the previous 9 months or so since returning to work from a couple of months out through a combination of depression/stress/anxiety trying to protect myself against a repeat of that experience.

After applying what I had learned about myself throughout this experience to try and find a balance between what I needed - work life balance, happiness, etc. - with what the job needed, I came to the realisation that the two were just not compatible for me.

I'd been very open about how I felt and what I was trying to do throughout this period with my manager, but the signals were there early doors that we were not going to find common ground.

When I talked about wanting the right balance, I was told it wasn't a 9-5 job. When I raised a concern about the fact people were expected to work outside of their regular hours as the norm, I was told that people had started to question my commitment to the job since I returned.

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All of this was massively disappointing. I've worked in this field for long enough to understand what it takes. I didn't need to hear these responses.

The support I received when I'd explained why I needed to take time out a year earlier had been great. I was given time, encouragement and a pressure-free sense that was vital in helping me to start my recovery. I was allowed to make a phased return, and that was huge.

But after that, the support quickly waned. By which I mean, there was no allowance for the magnitude of change that I was trying to manage in my own approach to things.

This was not helped by the working environment. It felt all stick, no carrot and that did nothing for me.

With my lack of self-confidence and perfectionist tendencies, I was already doing a fine job of picking out and deliberating over my own shortcomings. The last thing I needed was to be in a place where the slightest issue was being called out in front of the rest of the team.

People could see the impact it was having on me. They would take me to one side after the latest episode and ask if I was OK. They would even try to step up to defend me in the middle of one of those verbal assaults (that's exactly what they felt like, by the way).

I didn't need to be treated with kid gloves. I just needed a more balanced environment. Where the good could be called out as well as the bad. A place in which minor issues were treated with discretion because that's all they warranted. Because, do know what? I'm actually pretty f*cking good at what I do.

But that's the polar opposite of what I got. It got to that point where I didn't believe I was any good at my job. Where I didn't think there was ever going to be a time that I could offer any value to others in my field of expertise.

Just thinking about what had preceded that makes me frustrated now.

In my annual reviews for the previous three years I'd been in the best performing category in the entire company. I'd been promoted to a senior manager.

I'd successfully developed a capability from a handful of grad trainees into a full blown strategic programme with backing from the top of the company. But my belief had been eroded to the point that I didn't think I could bring anything to the role any more.

There wasn't a single aspect of my job that I could find enjoyment of or pride in because of it.

And once again it started to spill over into my personal life. I withdrew from social occasions. I stopped running. I was grouchy at home. Same. Old. Sh*t. All the indicators that the prevailing low mood was coming back into play all too often.

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So that's why I left with no plan about what next. Some people have called it brave, but I really don't think it was. As I hope this explanation shows, it was absolutely necessary. I don't know what would have happened to me if I'd stayed.

I've often thought since about what would have helped to keep me in that job. I don't have an exact answer.

Clearly there was a personality clash at play. I understand we need to find ways of working with different kinds of people but I think a big part of the problem for me was that the culture I was returning to didn't get that.

Rightly or wrongly, it felt like I was exhibiting a weakness by not continuing to throw all the hours at my work, by working on the basis that good enough is good enough a lot of the time.

And that meant that, having felt well supported when it all first kicked off everything that followed my return left me with a sense that it was all just lip service. I still needed to put the time and effort into getting things to work, but it was no longer a two way street.

If there is one piece of advice I could offer to anybody managing a person coming back after work-related stress, it would be to listen and adapt accordingly.

They don't need pandering to. They are not a snowflake.

They are probably a very capable individual. Something has gone wrong for them, sure, but as the employer or manager, something is broken on your side of the equation too.

Both parties need to be prepared to work hard on understanding and resolving things effectively. Otherwise, you will lose some of your best people.